Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
