I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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