I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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