if only i could text you this smell
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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