I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
