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He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
