i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
