i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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