Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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