My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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