I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
