don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
