After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
