just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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