you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
