smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She just used a chaser for red wine.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
