a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
