My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
