everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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