I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
