I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I supernannyed him into submission
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize