I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
