not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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