got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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