I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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