Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
