Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
