Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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