Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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