At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
