So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
