I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize