Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
