I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize