I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
