I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize