Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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