i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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