We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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