ugly people sure do ruin things
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i think my cat just said my name.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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