y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
