Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
