I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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