Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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