she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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