The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
