i barfeds in our rink
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
