If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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