susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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