you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
