1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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