Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
