I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
