This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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