I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Randomize
