I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
