Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
