I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
