Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
