If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
ttyl tear gas
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize