OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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