my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
