im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize