He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
