so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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