Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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