Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
