literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my sisters under your porch take her home
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
