i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
